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Me and My Shadow

I was born into struggles for survival.
At birth, the umbilical cord got tangled around my neck several times.
I fought for every breath.
Later in life I fought for love and support.   
I was physically weak, known for the adversities I attracted on a regular basis:
Injury, health emergencies, sexual abuse
Sexual abuse that started when I was 5 years old and went on for years.
2 violent husbands, betrayals, one murder attempt,
extreme poverty, abysmal helplessness
and endless struggles to raise my children in love and happiness.
Fear was my closest companion.
The authorities failed to ensure my safety.
I was alone – in complete terror, dealing with a reality
that was closing in on me like a deep bore that had no bottom.
Death played hide and go seek with me,
tackling me every time from a different direction.
It was the two of us –
death who wanted me out – and I - who wanted to live.
I, who wanted to remove the chains of fear and find love in my life.
I chose to stay silent.
I thought that if I was a "good girl" I would be safe.
I was wrong.
I made my way in the dark,
falling down and getting back up time and time again.
My body ached and my soul was exhausted.
The voices in my head kept telling me to give up and surrender,
because change was not an option.
A year ago, following a violent incident,
I decided that I would not be a victim any more.
I filed charges at the local police station.
I reassured the little girl inside, who loved to fly kites,
that there would be no more violence.
I suddenly understood that it is us, that allow fear to flourish.
I realized that fear can be managed,
So I let go of fear and discovered my inner power.
I am no longer a slave to my fears – I freed myself.
Since then, the circumstances of my life have changed dramatically.
Miracles do happen!
The worst enemy are facts.
They're clear cut and convincing – but they're only a hologram.
They exist only if we believe them.  
We all have an inherit gift, which is the ability to get up
and leave the drama in our life.
At any given moment, we can rewrite our life script
so that it includes people we love by our side and anything else that we value.
We all have the right to be happy.
There is no question in my mind that what gave me the strength
to deal with my life was the belief that life is worth living.
Once that belief is firm, its al about finding the right way and go from there.
It seems to me that the secret is to not get overwhelmed by the facts,
trusting that there is a higher force that always looks after us.
We must seek love and believe that we are worthy of love.
When needed, we must shout, as loud as possible so that someone hears us.
Happiness is born out of hope.
If you dream- you'll find a way.
At times, the road is hidden.
Sometimes you will walk a road that no one before you had walked.
But the road is yours from the beginning of time.
The power to change reality lies in all our hearts.
Use it – you will surprised by its powerful impact!
Thank you Joan for illuminating who I am for me…
*Written by Gila Hindi